Illusions of Grandeur and Reality

 Hi, hello, good evening, morning, day, or night! I hope this finds you well and if not happy at least searching and developing into someone or something that you can be proud of. This first post is just an explanation about the blog's title and what you can expect if you decide to return.

The name, "Bag of Forks and a Nail" is a reference to a few feelings and emotions that will likely weave themselves throughout this blog until it's no longer needed or I become tired of it. Perhaps those events will coincide and maybe not. I can't say. 

Let's start with the bag first. The phrase bag of forks just popped into my mind as I sorted through potential titles and I imagine it has something to do with Bag of Suck which was an Enjoi video promoting skateboarding from some time ago. I can't say it's just a thought and something that is somewhat revealing of my youth. I did a lot of skateboarding. I got "good" but never great. There was no chance of "making it" for me. My skills weren't nearly there but it took up time and I learned a lot. I dabble in and out of it still and enjoy it still on occasion. The meaning extends beyond that though. To me a bag is a given, purchased, or received thing. To me it represents my lot in life. What I've been given. Inside of this particular bag during this season of my life is forks lots and lots of forks. Yes physical forks in my imagination but they also represent something. They represent choices, mystery, uncertainty, and opportunity. Forks in the road if you will. Sometimes the directions we take are dictated by others but most often in my own fortunate situation I make the choices myself. 

It's typically believed that divergent paths lead to divergent conclusions but I'm convinced that's not always the case. Regardless the perception of choice is always there and in the grand scheme of things I do believe that our choices do have a substantial impact on what comes of our lives. Not to simplify a very complicated topic of each person's existence at all just to say that what we do does have an effect. 

I'm not here to say that I've been given this bag because of this or that in my life though it makes sense that that's the case. I'm educated but not overly so. I have a bachelor's degree in art which has a great deal to do with the forks. Not from a cruddy university but certainly far from the influence of Ivy League. I grew up in a middle class educated family that was firmly middle of the road. We weren't poor though it felt it sometimes as a kid and not well off either. However whether or not the bag given me is because of this or that is not the point of this blog. The point is to describe the situation at hand and share my feelings and efforts to find a grounded life that isn't miserable. 

The nail is from a Japanese proverb that says, "The nail that sticks out gets hammered down." I believe I am that nail. I'm different and I don't attempt to fit in and with very little effort I stick out even as I try to fit in. I feel often hammered down. I've gone to counseling and I've learned to develop a certain amount of social intelligence and I empathize with others and their situations. I try to be kind and when I reflect with any depth upon others I don't judge them and I am kind and understanding. However, it seems to be my lot that I am a nail always hanging out. It may be that my goal is point out beauty and serve as an anchor for a piece of art but in doing so I also draw attention to the wall's blemish that is being covered up. 

This is an attempt to describe my life. The things I am proud of. The ways life seems to have gotten away from me and the dreams that I had as a young man and perhaps display my altruism or lack of it for better or worse. I hope it might be a place that at worst will help readers understand a little more how different the thoughts and ideas are of others and at best provide encouragement to others who may be feeling lost and or frustrated.